My New Coins
When the Royal Mint cast out for redesigned coins
Nobody believes me when I tell them this. I don’t know why; maybe they don’t read the news. But they don’t.
The Royal Mint has asked the public for ideas for their new range of coins. The reverse side (tails) of all British coins will be changed and there is an open competition to decide the new designs. So I thought I’d have a go.
According to The Times, chef Marco Pierre White’s suggestion is that the coins should “revert to some of the traditional images used to decorate coins before decimalisation: the thistle, the lion, or Britannia, bearing a sceptre and shield”. Which is, of course, the very images on the 5, 10 and 50 pence pieces already. Idiot.
According to The Times, sculptor Antony Gormley’s suggestion is that the coins should be “certainly not round, and preferably not symmetrical”. Nice plan. Let me know how you get on building a vending machine mechanism to take asymmetrical coinage. Idiot.
I am sure this could reduce crime somehow. Except perhaps fraud. (“No, really, I’d like to buy this house in five pence pieces.”)
There was a requirement that all the coins feature the Queen's head on the obverse side, hence
This would also help people store 20p pieces, on a small pole in your car, say. You would have to be sure to add the coins with the hole-side facing the pole, however.
People will object to this, but they will get used to it, or else they can carry around four eleven pence pieces, a five pence piece, and a penny.
The Pint is already the de facto currency of all students. This bold move would unify the nation.
From: Joseph Payne
To: Andrew Taylor
Date: Aug 30, 2005 11:27 AMDear Mr Taylor
Thank you for taking the trouble to submit eight drawings for the United Kingdom coin design competition.
These will be placed before the judging panel towards the end of the year and I will let you know the outcome as soon as possible after the meeting.
Yours sincerely
Joseph Payne
Assistant Curator
I was quietly confident.
From: Joseph Payne
To: Andrew Taylor
Date: Dec 22, 2005 4:01 PMDear Mr Taylor
On 8 December the Royal Mint Advisory Committee met to select designs submitted as part of the competition to find new reverses for the United Kingdom coinage. More than 4,000 entries were received from over 500 individuals, and I regret to inform you that on this occasion your artwork has not been chosen.
Your designs were given very careful consideration by members of the Committee and I know they would wish me to thank you warmly on their behalf for taking part in the competition.
Yours sincerely
Joseph Payne
Assistant Curator
Royal Mint
Their loss.