Please, Urgently, This is a 419 Scam Which I Shall Disclose Later!
his is pretty long, so I’m going to make minimal commentary, and intersperse it with West Wing style markers to let you know what day it is because Aaron Sorkin seems to think that’s important, so it is.
Monday (May 12th)
Attn : My Friend With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am from (will disclose this later),presently working in Iraq with an international organisation that I will also disclose later, I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of (US$8.523 Million Dollars) Eight Million five Hundred Thousand And Twenty Three Dollars to your country or any other safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care untill I complete my service here,this is no stolen money, and there are no dangers involved. SOURCE OF MONEY: Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunitions at a location near one of Saddam,s old palaces during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us, this was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? no compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working here, and his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe cation entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, and believes that it belongs to an Asian/American who died in an air raid, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his business associate. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up, and will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us. I do not know for how long we will remain here, and I have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately. Please contact me as soon as possible. Regards, Mr Richard Atwater
I have my morals.
Thankyou for your letter. It found me in a mood which I will disclose later. I feel it's my moral duty to point out to you that in strict point of fact this money is stolen -- stealing from Saddam Hussein is still stealing. However, I would like to help you, in a way which I will also disclose later. Andrew
Wednesday
He doesn’t read his mail.
I am waiting for your urgent response please, I dont have all the time in the world to wait for you, Please i need to know what your intentions are as soon as possible, Please try and reply this mail urgentely otherwise ,i shall consider you unserious to work with me.And go ahead with somebody else as soon as possible. Read my previous mail and get back to me asap,. Thanks Mr Richard,
Nor do I, though.
Sunday
Mr Richard, Thankyou for your response. I should like to help you with your plan, however I am still waiting for your urgent response which I shall discloes later please. Andrew
Monday
Dear Andrew, I am not surprised that you have expressed surprise over this transaction., But please be rest assured that this is an opportunity that came to both of us to be confortble in life., Please all i need from you is to make sure that you adhere to my instructions while i register the package to your name, I will register the package to your name once i receive your informations, To register the package you have to send the following informations., Your Name and address. Your phone and fax numbers, Scan your passport copy. And for my own perusal , i would like to see the picture page of your international passport. to protect my own share of the money. Please i am assuring you that this transaction shall be concluded without any problem, You have to be constant on your e-mail to see my mail on daily basis, I shall register the package with the following informations to your name as the owner of the package and shall send it through the diplomats , Please i will be informing you on every step i take here until the package gets to you., Try and read my mails carefully . I will give you more informations once i receive your reply. Thanks Mr Richard.
At this point, I really couldn’t be bothered.
Mr Richard I do not want this email to come as a surprise to you. My name is Andrew, please, urgently I shall disclose later. I shall not be able to scan my passport until Wednesday at the earliest, but I shall do so urgently and please. I please urgently to assure you that please package opportunity surprise urgently which I shall disclose later. Andrew
That didn’t put him off. Something tells me he wasn’t paying that much attention in the first place…
Tuesday
Dear Mahbubur Rahman Please all i need from you is to make sure that you adhere to my instructions while i register the package to your name,I will register the package to your name once i receive your informations, To register the package you have to send the following informations., Scan your passport copy.And for my own perusal , i would like to see the picture page of your international passport. to protect my own share of the money. Please And were are you from....??? Richard
And then,
Dear Andrew Thank you very much for your urgent reply to my proposal,Sorry for my late reply to your mail. Please this transaction may look risky to your perception but i can assure you that you dont have anything to fear, I am Mr Richard Atwater from Florida USA, but presentely in in Iraq as the leader of the area C camp of peace keeping United Nations troops, Though i have retired as a militry officer but i am here as a leader, The transaction is that we have discovered some huge amount of money here in Iraq in defferent places but we have tendered a very reasonable amount back to the people of Iraq and the United nations who we are working for and we have kept that small amount,We have newspaper published site to proof this , here is the site, click it to read more about us here in Iraq. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm. Now all i want is for you to work with me to transfer this money outside here in Iraq, The money has been package in box as a diplomatic package but a united Nations diplomatic flight bringing relief materials to Victims of war here in Iraq and the director of the Diplomatic company has accepted to assist me take the package away as package without anybody knowing the content so all i need is to front your name as the owner of the package before taken it out so that you can be the beneficiary to receive the package out there and keep it safe until i come out of this place to meet you for the sharing of the fund,This transaction will be 100% percent risk free because i have to meet a lawyer todayI have been able to submmit your infor to him because without the lawyer we cant get this money out see my pic and my passport i will be waiting to heat from you soon were are you from????? you need to scan you passport to me Mr Richard Atwater.
This email had the following fantastic attachment:
I love the box on the right. Who’d stash loot in that? That’s where you keep you least-favourite old plates in your garage. Hoping it will flood.
Mr Richard, Please, urgently find attached a photo of my passport, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
I know what you’re thinking: it’s harsh to send these people such eminently plausible documents and then mock them for not noticing the forgery. But look, it doesn’t have the little hologrammy bit. He should have spotted that.
Wednesday
He still isn’t really trying.
Pls Were are you from..?
I mean, the trunk box picture was great, but that was rubbish.
Please I am urgently from Great Britain, which I shall disclose later.
Friday
There is a little development here, I have been able to submmit your passport at the bank to file in as the next of ken but there is a little problem that came up, I need to get an attorney here to sign some approval documents on my behalf at the bank here before the release of the money to us,i dont wish to transfer the whole money to state i need to divide the money two place, s I dont believe in puting my ages in one basket so back there in the state if there is any question about the origin of the money in state it wont be all the money, i shall visit you first , ,How do you see the idea, Please bring in your own suggestions please,Also the little problem is that a banker here intruduced me to one lawyer to come and sign for me at the bank but the lawyer is sounding crazy, He said that i will give him $3500, to be able to sign out the money ,.And dont have enough money with me now This is just the problem we i have now , Once the lawyers sign for me the money will be released, But i need to pay him first before he signs, You know lawyers and their policy ,Please what is your suggestion, I dont have enough money here,. How do we raise this money now? I am waiting please,
Ah, the scam proper is starting. How to get money. How, how, how…
Mr Richard, Please, have you urgently considered a sponsored silence? Your urgently, Andrew
Saturday
I dont have enough money with me now This is just the problem we i have now , Once the lawyers sign for me the money will be released, But i need to pay him first before he signs, You know lawyers and their policy ,Please what is your suggestion, I dont have enough money here,. How do we raise this money now? How Much do you have with you Let me see what it can do? Richard
He’s copy-pasting! The hack!
Mr Richard Please, urgently pass on my regards to Mr Judy. You know lawyers and their policy. Please, have you urgently considered taking out a small loan to cover this fee and repaying it with the funds so released, which I shall disclose later? This is just the problem we i have now. Andrew
Sunday
How do we raise this money now? what do you mean by loan ..? How Much do you have with you Let me see what it can do? Richard
I don’t think this guy could reliably pass a Turing test… If he could, he’s in the Canny Valley, where it’s plain he’s human because nobody would produce a computer to simulate him.
Mr Richard, Please, have you urgently considered a cake sale? That's what they always do when the local church is low on funds, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
Monday
What are you saying i asked you How much can you send let me see what i can do ..??/
Poor guy.
Mr Richard Please, I urgently have 47p. I could mail it to you if you would like, although I'd have to buy a stamp, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
The subject line to all his emails for a while after this was “Wester Union”. Wester than what, I wonder.
Dear Mr Andrew i just talked to the lawyer on the phone and he said that he wants the payment to be made in vietnam .. he mean that you should go to wester union and send it to this adderss that he is ready to help us outName.... NNOLI KINGSLEYCITY..Ho Chi MinhCountry, Viet NamHunny this is the infor and as soon as you get the money sent... try and mail me the MATCH NUMBER.... OKAY Use to send the money... www.westernunion.com
And then,
Dear Mr Andrew We Need to be fast about This.. Try and send the money today with the infor i give you and mail me the M.T.C.N number and the sender Full name i am waiting try and update the lawyer today use Wester Union to send the money Richard
But it didn’t work! (I really tried it.)
Mr Richard, Please, urgently the website said there was an error, which I shall disclose later:Amount to send cannot be less than £1.00.
Please, how can I urgently fix this? Andrew
Tuesday
Go to wester union and send it or any of the bank in ur city ask them about wester union ..... and send the money thereName.... NNOLI KINGSLEYCITY..Ho Chi MinhCountry, Viet NamHunny this is the infor and as soon as you get the money sent... try and mail me the MATCH NUMBER.... OKAY
Why doesn’t he listen to me? How does he expect me to send him my money if he doesn’t listen? Moron.
Please, urgently, the bank says I can't send something they call "piddling small change" internationally. What should I urgently do, please? Yours, which I shall disclose later, Andrew
No matter how reasonable my explanation, he just thinks I’m delaying. And I’m not – I’m never going to send him any money. That’s why this is annoying.
Why are you taking time to send this money go to http://www.moneygram.com/index.htm and send this money Name.... NNOLI KINGSLEY CITY..Ho Chi Minh Country, Viet Nam
RANDOM PURPLE EMAIL!
Go to money gram and send the money with the infor i give you.. as soon as you get the money sent get me the m.t.c.n number and the sender full name ... Be frist about This the lawyer is waiting.. i dont know why you are taking time to send this money..... Are you playing with this or what...??? if i may ask becuaes i dont see why you cant go to wester union and send money to vietnam ? Richard
I’m being as frist as I can without knowing what it means.
Please, I urgently went there and asked them "please, urgently send this money which I shall disclose later" but they keep saying it's not worth sending 47p by Western Union. They talk as if it isn't important, or like I am just playing a game with them, which I shall disclose later! Andrew
And finally he listens!
You have to try and make the money $300 we need to make this work out..... if you have it go there and send it with the infor i gave you 47p is a too poor and get back to me fast Okay Richard
Kind of.
Please, wouldn't that urgently require me to find a bureau de change with an exchange rate of $638.30/£? The highest I've found is $1.86/£. That's not enough, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
Wednesday
Well go and send whatever you can ... and get me the infor as soon as you get the money sent... i am waiting i dont know why you are taking time on this ... make sure you send whatever you can today and dont fail Richard
And then I checked my sofa.
Please, I urgently managed to find another 14p, which I shall disclose later. This brings the total up to an urgent 61p, but the bank still says they won't send that amount. Please, what should I urgently do? Andrew
Why, find another 39p, of course!
you have to try and make it up to what they can send Okay and get back to be frist we dont have much time on This anymore be fast about what you doing... Richard
And that was when I had my imaginary brainwave…
Please, I have urgently arranged to appear on Cash In The Attic to raise the money, which I shall disclose later. You can read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cash_in_the_Attic http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/beonashow/shows/attic.shtml They say they will urgently film it in a few days, so please I will have the money then, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
Of course he had his own cunning plan. But mine was better.
Dont you have a friend you can get some money from and tell him that you would pay back dont you have family.. go to them ask them tell them yo would pay back ....... and i also want t o know if you really wanna want us to make this work out you are taking time so much... here is my passport check it out and have more believe of what we are doing here..... be fast and get the money the bank can send you cant lose anything so whatever you send we get more then that..... i would like to let you know dont tell anyone about what we are doing here out there... its has to beween us here and that is all untill everthing is okay
Wow! His middle name is Merlin!
Please, urgently your passport has expired. It says it expires on "2 Jan 07" which, as I shall reveal later, is well over a year ago. Andrew
…unless you’re Peter Petrelli, of course. (“14th July 2008? This is next week!”)
yes expired i have a new date on the one i have with me here now its would expired 2009 my passport is not what we are talking about here Okay.... How far have you gon buy geting the money...? dont you have any family or friends to ask we have to make his work out ????
No, I still prefer my idea.
Mr Richard, Please, urgently my friends and family do not want to lend me money, as last time they did I could not repay them as my investment opportunity turned out to be one of those scam emails you hear so much about. I think my best hope is urgently Cash In The Attic, unless you think I would do better on Duel. Please, the prizes are higher on Duel, but we only need a few hundred dollars, and Cash In The Attic has a better likelihood of urgently winning a small amount like that. It's all about the mathematics, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
And he’ll come round…
Try your best if you get the money get back to me richard
Thursday
The lawyer just called me That why are we taking time on this.. i told him what is going that you dont have that much money that you are trying to get some money that when you get it you will get back to me ... Be fast about whatever you are doing to get the money and once you get it go to wester union and send it get me the M.T.C.N number i would be waiting to hear a Good news from you Richard
But I didn’t have a good news.
Mr Richard, Unfortunately I do not have that much money urgently available. Please, I have heard from the people at Leopard Films, who urgently produce Cash In The Attic. I have been selected and the first day filming will urgently be either tomorrow or Saturday. After that will be a second day's filming at an auction house which I shall disclose later, when we will know how much money I will get. I hope you can urgently wait that long. Otherwise I will need a new plan -- suggestions? Andrew
Friday
Okay i heard what you said But when are you sure you will get this money becuaes we dont have to take too much time on this you know what this money is all about i told you the frist day.... Richard
I have some limited experience with TV. I chose to ignore it and make shit up.
Mr Richard, Please, the filming has urgently been brought forwards and is to start today. The camera crew are already here, and there are those funny silvery umbrella-lights outside my house, which I shall disclose later. I can't believe it. It's so exciting! And urgent! Please! I hope I have some good stuff in my loft! I haven't been up there in ages because of the ghost. Andrew
You think ghosts will put him off?
Mr Richard, Please, omigod! Jenny Bond is here! Jenny actual Bond! In my actual house! Urgently! She's actually met the actual Queen, which I shall disclose later! The QUEEN! This is AMAZING! I have a good feeling about this! I feel sure that with Jenny Bond on hand, we'll urgently find enough lots to get the money. Andrew
That’s right, for the purposes of this scambait I am appearing on Cash In The Attic circa 2005. Is that a problem?
Mr Richard! Please, that was great! We just urgently filmed the little "hello" bit where Jenny Bond comes to the house and surprises me (only it wasn't really a surprise as I knew she was coming) and it was amazing! Jenny actual Bond said she liked my hair, which I shall disclose later. And she's seen the QUEEN'S hair! With a CROWN ON! We're doing the looking-for-things-to-sell-to-raise-money bit this afternoon! Please! Andrew
The QUEEN!
Mr Richard! Please, I was going to send you a long email just now about how nice Paul Hayes is, but I've got to go and urgently reshoot a bit where I point at the big clock in my living room so they can do a close-up shot. Very exciting, which I shall disclose later. Got to go -- email later! Andrew!
For some reason I don’t think he’s sharing my glee.
Pls Be fast about whatever you are doing to get some money and once you get it go to the wester union and send it with the infor i gave you Okay dont take to long about this Richard
No matter. Must press on with the filming.
Mr Richard, Please, this will still take a while. I am currently and urgently having my lunch, while Jenny Bond is recording no ddies in my garden. The sun has gone in since we filmed the interview so they've got all the umbrella-lights turned up really high and it still looks silly. I'll try to keep updating you on progress during the afternoon, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
I thought perhaps he’d be more excited with a visual aid…
Mr Richard, Please, I have urgently drawn you a picture of me and Jenny Bond, which I have attached to this email and shall disclose later. I drew her wearing a crown because she has met the real-life Queen. She's holding a vase and I'm holding a box, because those are the kinds of things I imagine we might find in my house this afternoon. We are both smiling because we are happy. Jenny Bond is happier than me because she is wearing a crown. Do you like my picture? I'll let you know what items we find to sell later. Andrew
But no.
i dont have time for all this find the money and send it
Still, can’t hurry these things. Unless…
Mr Richard, The afternoon filming will be soon, which I shall disclose later. Then I have to wait for the boot sale challenge bit on Sunday to get the money. Please, is that soon enough? If you need it urgently, I suppose I could kidnap Jenny Bond and demand a ransom? Should I do that? If you tell me to do that then I will. Andrew
Best not, eh?
Mr Richard, Please, I have not received your urgent response in 2 hours, and so I have chosen not to kidnap Jennie Bond at this time. I will have another chance to kidnap her on the second day's filming, sometime this weekend, which I shall disclose later. In my house, we found a vase, which Jonty Hearnden (yes, that's his real name!) is worth about £65 -- that's nothing like enough, but a good start. We also found a large metal trunk case containing the sum of (US $4.2615 Million Dollars) Four Million two Hundred Thousand And Sixty One Dollars And Fifty Cents, which expert Paul Hayes says might sell for as much as £200. That would give us the full $300, so fingers crossed! Please, should I proceed with the filming, or try to urgently kidnap Jennie Bond? Andrew
Saturday
Go to wester union and send whatever you have get. i m waiting we dont have time to take on this anymore .... be fast do you still have the infor i give you to use to send the money by wester union...?? send it on time Richard
I don’t think he understands how Cash In The Attic works.
Mr Richard, We urgently went to the boot sale but, and the vase got more than we were expecting -- it sold for $80. That's about $150. The trunk of money didn't come through for us, though -- Jonty Hearnden re-valued it at four million dollars, and nobody bought it at that price. Eventually, it was getting towards the end of the day and we could only sell it by cutting the price to $100. Someone got a good deal there, which I shall disclose later. Anyway, that only gave us $250, so I shot the experts and hit Jennie Bond on the back of the head with a drawer inlay from a period dressing table. I stole one of the cameras, which I shall disclose later, and filmed myself binding her hands with the string from pricetags of unsold items and bundling her into the boot of my car. Then I spoke to the camera, please, demanding the sum of $50 (plus expenses) for her safe return, left the camera, with the tape (still rolling) and drove off into the night. Hopefully the Queen has that much money somewhere. Please, I know her house is full of expensive stuff, but she can't really sell any of it because I have the presenter of Cash in the Attic tied up in my car boot. I suppose they could get someone else to present it -- after all, urgently meeting Jennie Bond is a thrill for me but must be pretty mundane for the Queen -- but it just wouldn't be the same at all. I'll let you know if I get the last $50. Andrew
As if you could replace Jennie Bond with anyone. You’d need some kind of a… untalented hack, or something.
Thank you for the mail once you get the full money let me know and dont take time on geting it pls we have no time the lawyer is waiting for us to come uup with the money so that we can take the box away to your place ..... Richard
Sunday (June 1st)
Guy make you go day write me agein Okay if you day look for work no be me go give you work
I decided it was time to just be honest.
Mr Richard, Sorry, I have no idea at all what that message meant. Andrew
He seems less interested now that I’m not on TV. Except possibly the news.
What is going On the lawyer is still mad at me that why are we taking time on this
But if ghosts don’t put him off, that won’t put me off.
Mr Richard, Please, the Queen is refusing to pay the $50 for Jennie Bond's release, which I shall disclose later. She says she will not negotiate with terrorists. I explained to her aide that I am not a terrorist I am an Anglican but she didn't change her mind. I have also urgently sent the ransom demand to her fan club http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/jenniebond/ and they are less principled. They have started a whip-round to try to raise the money, and Jennie Bond has urgently agreed to do a special interview with them if they can please secure her release. I am quite excited. So far they have raised $3.27 and an AOL CD, which I shall disclose later. I said I didn't want this but they want to give me everything they can to try to make me release her. It will not work, please I only need money, and maybe another vase to sell, although the value will go down if I flood the market. Meanwhile, the police are closing in on me. I hope to have the money before they find me, then I can urgently release Jennie Bond. Hopefully she will have Stockholm syndrome and refuse to press charges, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
Monday
Go to wester union use the infor i give you and send whatever you have with you right now i am waiting for you to update me when you get back now
I mean, I try and I try and I just get nothing back. Nothing.
Mr Richard, Unfortunately, the police have frozen my assets to prevent me from accepting urgent ransom payments, which I shall disclose later. I'd forgotten they could do that. This means I can't access my $250. I have urgently upped the ransom to $300, and I must find an accomplice to send it for me as I cannot use my account. I have sent an email out to a lot of random strangers asking for their help please, and have promised them some of the money in the trunks as reward. This will naturally come out of your share, please. I have instructed them that it is urgent and confidential, and that I will disclose more details later. Andrew
Is he onto me?
Are you playing Games with me or what ... what kind of person are i said give it to whoever you can to send it for you the lawyer is waiting for us to come up with the money so be fast and send the money on time Richard
Playing games is a good idea…
Mr Richard, I have urgently narrowed my choice of Accomplice down to 12 possible candidates. To decide which is th e most trustworthy, I have divided them into two teams and set them the task of creating and marketing their own brand of fast-food sandwich please. Whichever team loses, one of that team will be fired, and so on until I have my Accomplice -- at which point you will immediately receive the money, which I shall disclose later. Andrew
He is onto me!
Dont care anymore you keep on telling me storys and i cant believe it anymore go to wester union and send whatever you have USE the infor i gave you okay Richard
Perhaps I can talk him round…
Mr Richard, I cannot send you the money because the police froze my assets after I urgently kidnapped former BBC royal correspondent Jennie Bond. Please, I need to find an Accomplice, which I shall disclose later. Team Alpha won the sandwich task, so I fired Raif. Only 11 candidates remain. (This is important -- it must be someone I can trust 100%.) Now I have set them a new task: to create an advert for my new brand of wallpaper. Mr Andrew's search for his Accomplice goes on. Andrew
Perhaps,
send someone to do it for you
Perhaps,
Mr Richard, Please, Team Renaissance won the advertising task, so I have urgently fired Michael. 10 candidates remain. I have set them the task of selling ice to Eskimos, which I shall disclose later. Mr Andrew's search for his Accomplice goes on. Andrew
Perhaps. Tuesday
i d ont know what you are talking aboput just go and send whatever you got okay
He sent that one twice, once without a subject line.
Mr Richard, The last task was urgently won by Team Alpha because they are easier to spell, so I fired Jenny. Please, 10 candidates remain. Next, I will challenge them to start a skip hire firm. Mr Andrew's search for his Accomplice, which I shall disclose later, goes on. Andrew
Perhaps not.
Hey Dont write me are agein you are not Honest with your words... since you cant send whatever you have dont i need people like you to work with me richard
I am not honest with my words. Not like Richard Atwater.
But, there are only nine candidates left!
He’s not happy.
i dont know what hell you are talking about This man live pls you cant work with me dont you get that you dont have the money when you get the money sent mail me than Richard
It’s as if he’s realised I’m just baiting him, but he still thinks I’m going to send money if he just asks enough times. That’s not going to work. He’s not Derren Brown. Derren Brown is Derren Brown.
Well, there are eight candidates now, which I shall disclose later -- Said told a customer a lie so I had to fire him. Clearly he could not urgently be trusted. We'll see who's best at managing the air-traffic-control at Heathrow. Because the team that loses, one person on that team will be fired. Please, Mr Andrew's search for his Accomplice goes on. Andrew
Wednesday (June 4th)
Mr Richard, Would you believe it, please, Clare has gone and crashed a bloody plane! Of course I fired her. There are seven candidates remaining, and I have urgently set them the task of writing staging a full-scale west-end musical by tomorrow evening, which I shall disclose later. Whichever team gets the highest box-office gross will be the winner, and whichever team doesn't will lose, and on that team, one person will be fired. Mr Andrew's search for his Accomplice goes on. (Isn't this exciting?) Andrew
I think I lost him. Damn. Oh well, it had to end. And he had a the best part of a month, with (at a quick count) 83 emails back and forth. I think that’s a personal record for me. I’ve had relationships that didn’t do that well.